


Sumer Is Icumen In

by TheseusInTheMaze



Category: Good Game (TV 2017)
Genre: Emotional Conflict, Exceedingly Unpleasant Character, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Marijuana, Masturbation, Pining, Unrequited Love, complicated feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 19:14:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15541110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheseusInTheMaze/pseuds/TheseusInTheMaze
Summary: Ryland walks in on something he's not expecting.





	Sumer Is Icumen In

Ryland was in a bad mood.

That was, admittedly, a pretty normal turn of events.

He knew he was a perpetual grouch, but, well... what else was he going to be?

He was terminally lonely, he didn't have a job, he was aware of _just_ how much of a loser he was, and... he couldn't even get his fucking "best friend" off of his couch.

And just when he had thought that everything was going in some direction he thought might work with a girl that he really liked, it just... died.

Kaput.

Splat.

So now what was he going to do?

He'd... he hadn't even meant to say anything particularly bone headed.

It just seemed like half the time he opened his mouth around Ash, he just... stuck his foot in it. 

He always seemed to do that with Ash. 

He liked her - he really did, he thought she was funny, he thought she was smart, he wanted to do some truly X rated things to her... but then he'd say the wrong thing, and he'd trip over his own words, and then there was just... stony silence, and the two of them would be sitting there, and then she'd want to turn it early or... something, and he'd be on his own to his (hopefully) empty house.

... no, that wasn't fair.

Alex was a good guy, and he obviously cared a lot about Rylan.d

It was just... Alex wanted to have a life outside his best friend.

Maybe that was why he was so cruel to Alex - he could tell when he was being cruel, he just... didn't seem to be able to stop himself.

Which was utter bullshit, and even as he was thinking it he knew it was bullshit.

He was a grown ass man.

He could stop himself from being a jerk. 

But... it was just... something about Alex's face, it made Ryland feel stuff, and he didn't... okay, so he wasn't the best at dealing with his feelings.

Maybe he needed a therapist.

Ryland paused at a stop sign, and he sighed, covering his face with both hands. 

Okay. 

If Alex wasn't home, then Ryland would watch a movie.

If Alex wasn't home... well, maybe Ryland would try to be nice and inviting and shit.

He could do that, right?

He could be a good dude. 

He would reach out to Alex, and he'd apologize for being a shit, or maybe... well, maybe he didn't need to verbally apologize, because sometimes it was just... it was just Alex being Alex, and Alex had to know that he was being obnoxious, right?

... hopefully.

Alex didn't go through life getting punched in the face, so that had to mean that he knew when he was being obnoxious, right?

Although then again, Alex generated this... field of awkward that everyone around him didn't call him out on it, probably out of some sort of hope that they wouldn't cringe into oblivion.

Wow.

Ryland really was in a really bad mood, if he was being this vicious.

Why was Ash so mad at him, anyway?

He hadn't said anything that... mean.

It hadn't even been particularly grumpy, just... kinda grumpy. 

She'd asked him about life after death, he'd cracked a joke about how it would be a relief after the Hell that was life on this planet, and for some reason that had upset her.

It wasn't as if he'd insulted her or anything!

Urrrrgh.

Ryland didn't get people.

Maybe he just needed to run off to a cabin in the woods on top of some mountain somewhere.

Become a Killcore Zen Master or something.

He sighed again, as he pulled into his house.

The lights were out - Alex must have been out, unless he had already gone to bed.

Sometimes, Alex came home early, already too drunk for his own good, and he slept like the dead. 

So Ryland got out of his car, and he made his way to his front door.

He'd sprawl out on the couch until Alex came home, then he'd go to bed, maybe jerk off (god, he had blue balls something fierce), and then... well, he'd be fine.

Totally fine.

There were... there were noises coming from the living room.

Fuck, did Alex bring someone over or something?

Was Alex having sex with someone _on Ryland's couch_?!

Fuck, no, Alex wasn't going to put up with that.

He turned the light on, to see... the outline of two people on the couch.

Wait, what?

He turned on the lights, to find... Alex, on his knees in front of a dude, and he was... yeah, no, Alex was sucking cock.

He was definitely sucking cock.

Ryland had seen enough cock being sucked, between porn and his own experience with... having his cock sucked, and there was Alex, bobbing his head, moaning, and the guy was moaning, except now they were both looking at Ryland.

Alex's expression was stricken.

"Fuck," said Ryland, and then he closed the door really quickly and made his way back to his car.

Only to be greeted by Alex, who was running after him.

"Dude," said Alex, and there was a wet spot on his shirt, where he'd been drooling, which was... okay, that was kind of gross, this was all so fucking weird, what the actual fuck. 

He had a boner.

Ryland had... okay, so he'd kind of glanced down, and he'd seen, and now his heart was beating very fast in his ears, and he was licking his lips. 

"It's fine," Alex said stiffly. "I'll be back in an hour. You'll be good in an hour?"

"I can ask him to leave, it's fine," Alex said, and he was practically gabbling.

"No, no," said Ryland, and he laughed - he was aware of how bitter he sounded, but how was he supposed to turn that off. "Might as well only have one of us getting blue balls tonight, right?"

Alex's face did... something.

Ryland didn't know what it was, and he honestly didn't want to think about it too hard, because... this was _Alex_. 

Alex, who was the loser who was crashing on Ryland's couch, and okay, they were theoretically best friends, but... still. 

How could Alex not tell Ryland that he was gay?

… was Alex gay?

Shit, had Ryland been living with a gay dude?

Alex had seen him without pants on!

… but fuck, no. 

Alex might have been a codependent, substance abuser, but he was a good guy.

Annoying as fuck, but… guy.

“Are you sure?”

Alex wasn’t swaying, and his eyes were clear.

Huh.

Was he sober?

That was unexpected. 

“Yeah. Go, have fun with… whatever it was you were doing,” Ryland said, and he only tripped a little bit. 

"I mean, if you're entirely sure," said Alex. "I'll, uh... I'll have him out soon."

"Text me when you're, uh... free," said Ryland. "I'll get home then."

"Right," said Alex. 

He cleared his throat.

Ryland shoved his hands in his pockets, and he shifted his weight from foot to foot, trying to get comfortable. 

It didn't really work, but... well, some awkward situations aren't winnable, are they?

"I'm sorry," Alex said. 

"It's fine," said Ryland. "I should be the one apologizing, since, uh... since I interrupted your... date. I'll let you go."

And then he was getting into his car, because... he wasn't going to deal with all of this right now.

He just... wasn't.

He was tired, his head hurt, and he was getting a serious case of blue balls.

Okay. 

He started his car, and he drove off, and he could see Alex in his rear view mirror, as he drove towards the more populated bits of the city.

... so.

What was he going to do?

Um.

Crap.

What could he, like... afford?

He wasn't like Alex - he didn't camp out at bars, or wherever else it was that Alex hung out, but... well, at least Ryland could maybe go to a movie or something?

Yeah, a movie would be a good idea.

He'd camp out at a movie, by the time he was done with the movie he'd be able to go out and do his own thing, right?

He'd be able to come home, go to bed.

It was a good thing they weren't doing anything the next day, though - Ryland was going to be a zombie, at this rate.

He yawned, rubbing his eyes with one hand, and he made his way back to the center of town.

* * *

Ryland found a theater playing old movies.

There was an old, weird one, showing the original Wicker Man. 

He'd only ever seen the remake, and okay, it was pretty memeable, but the original Wicker Man was supposed to be really good, right?

Ryland had never been a fan of horror movies, but... fuck it.

Tonight seemed to be a night full of weird shit that he hadn't expected, so why not try a new movie genre?

God, how was he going to talk to Alex about all of this?

Was Alex hiding anything else?

Why had Alex hidden it in the first place?

* * *

Ryland got a bag of popcorn, and he sank down into his seat, leaning back into it. 

The movie started - beautiful Scottish vistas, and a dude in a sea plane, as someone sang... something.

Not exactly what he had expected, but... well, what would he have expected?

He hunkered down, to watch the movie, and tried to distract himself from the thoughts that were roiling around in his head.

* * * 

... it didn't end the way he thought it would.

He wasn't sure why he'd expected it to end a certain way, considering the fact that he'd _seen_ the remake, but still.

Huh.

He'd have to look into that, because... well, death. 

Intense death. 

He was in a pensive mood, as he made his way back home.

He was also whistling.

He hadn't expected the damn movie to be a musical, for one thing. 

The movie was catchy.

Maybe Alex would like it.

... and now he was thinking about Alex again.

He sighed, making his way back towards his house.

Maybe Alex had gone to bed, and he was just... doing his own thing.

Ryland could hope, right?

He rubbed his eyes, and he stretched, trying to get more comfortable, and then he slid his hand into his pocket, taking out his keys.

There were lights on, which pointed towards Alex being home, and stuff being normal. 

Okay.

Ryland unlocked his front door.

* * *

Alex was sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees, and he was looking into the middle distance - he hadn't even turned the television on, he was just... fidgeting.

The living room smelled strongly of weed, because of course it did.

Alex wasn't sure how he felt about that. 

He'd have preferred it not to, of course, but... well, maybe Alex wouldn't try to initiate some kind of deep, important feelings discussion.

... Ryland could hope, right?

Maybe he was being unfair.

But Alex's head whipped around, and he was looking over at Ryland, his expression a bit too bright.

"Hi," said Alex, and he gave Ryland the kind of big smile that was a bit _too_ wide.

Ryland could practically count Alex's back teeth. 

"Hi," said Ryland. "Is your, uh, friend gone?"

"Yeah, he left," said Alex. 

There was an awkward silence.

"Do you want to talk about... stuff?"

Alex was rubbing his hands together, cracking his knuckles.

There was enough tension running through Alex's body that it was making Ryland's own nerves sing.

"No," said Alex. "I'm, uh, I'm tired. I'll be fine, but I should... I should catch some winks."

_Catch some winks_?

Was that even a thing that people said?

Maybe he was overthinking this.

"Right, right," said Alex. "Can we maybe talk about shit tomorrow?"

"Yeah, of course," said Ryland. "That'd be fine. Great. Let's, uh... let's do that."

"Night," said Alex.

"Night," said Ryland, and he gave an awkward little half-wave, and then he was turning around, making his way towards his bedroom.

... shit. 

He was going to have to brush his teeth and take a piss before he actually went to bed.

Fuck.

... there was no way he could really get around that, was there?

So he turned around, avoiding eye contact, and he went to the bathroom, trying to ignore Alex, who was now sprawled out on the couch, not wearing any pants.

* * * 

Ryland lay in bed, and he stared at the ceiling.

He could, in theory, fiddle with his phone, maybe text Ash and see how she was feeling about all the various stuff, but... no, he was still kind of mad at her. 

Why had she told him that he had a depressive attitude?

He wasn't depressive, he was just honest. 

God, and now he was thinking about Alex, and that dude.

That dude was… he was good looking. 

Long, lean, in a knuckley sort of way.

He reminded Ryland of Alex, in a weird way - the same kind of long limbs, long hair.

... did that mean that Ryland was interested in dudes?

What would it be like, to be with a dude?

Ryland had never kissed a guy, he'd never really... thought about kissing a guy, truth be told. 

What would kissing Alex be like?

... it probably wouldn't taste very good. 

Maybe it'd be better if he asked Alex to brush his teeth first - that'd be good, right?

God, Alex had really been going to town on that one dude - full on... deep throating, the whole nine yards.

On Ryland's couch, which was kind of gross, come to think of it, but he didn't _want_ to think about it too hard, except now he kind of was, and his cock was already beginning to get hard in his pajama pants.

_Fuck_.

He didn't.. he didn't have the time for this.

The time or the energy. 

Not even the time to jerk off, because if ever he had the time to jerk off, it was when he was lying in bed. 

But... fuck. 

How was he supposed to go to sleep, when he was so hard?

He closed his eyes, his hand sliding down his belly, and he tried to picture Ash in a bikini.

And... nothing.

He frowned, opening his eyes and looking down his belly.

C'mon.

It was Ash.

He adored Ash.

She was hot, she had nice tits, her face always opened up when she laughed, her pussy was wet and tight and pulled him in....

He moaned, beginning to roll his hips, fucking his fist, his head thrown back and his mouth wide open.

_Fuck_.

And then it turned into Alex - Alex under Ryland, as Ryland rolled his hips, fucking into Alex, and Alex was wriggling under him, and that was... god, Ryland had some experience with fucking someone's ass, but how was fucking a dude's ass different from fucking a woman's ass?

Did it... like, feel different?

He began to stroke his cock, long, slow strokes, his heels digging into the mattress, his head thrown back.

What if Alex had been blowing him?

What would that have felt like?

He... he was curious.

Probably too curious.

He didn't want anyone to think he was gay or anything - not that he had any problems with being gay, far from it - but he just... that wasn't who he was.

Was it?

But fucking Alex's face... god, fucking Alex's face would probably be nice.

Holding Alex's hair in his fists, using it as leverage as he fucked Alex's face, because a mouth was a mouth, right?

... fuck, had Alex been sending Ryland lovesick glances?

Ryland's jerking off paused, as his feelings tried to get his attention again.

Maybe he was overthinking this stuff.

He rolled over, onto his stomach, and he got onto his knees, humping his fist again, as if he was fucking someone from behind.

God, he loved this position, and it felt too fucking good, the sweet pleasure racing up and down his spine, his toes curling in his sheets, panting up into the ether.

"Fuck," Ryland mumbled, and he mumbled it quietly enough that he was speaking into his pillow, but god, how did it feel so fucking good?

He... fuck, he was going to cum, and his brain didn't know what to settle on, what to think about, as he kept humping, groaning quietly.

What if... what if Alex heard him moaning like this?

Would Alex do anything?

What if he... what if he just marched into the next room, told Alex to get down, grabbed Alex's hair, fucked Alex's face?

... no, that wouldn't be fair, he was just being a creepy, gross horn dog.

He didn't know how to turn it off, but fuck, it felt so good to just keep fucking his hand like this, to close his eyes and imagine that he was fucking Alex, who was as close to a best friend as Ryland was going to get.

... wow, he was depressive when he was this close to cumming.

He just... kept fucking his fist, kept panting into his pillow, kept wriggling his hips, and god did it feel good.

His brain kept flicking back and forth, between Ash and Alex, and it was like someone switching between channels, and it was... it was weird, and it was uncomfortable, but god did it feel good, he was going to cum, he was going to cum as he thought about railing _someone's_ ass.

His knees were digging into the bed, and his hips were beginning to work faster, as he sobbed and groaned, until he was just about to cum, until his back was arching so hard that he was biting into his own lip, until he was cumming, right across his palm, his mouth open as he panted.

Ryland groaned, and he flopped, almost landing in his own cum, then catching himself right before he did, to lie flat on his back with a handful of cum.

He made a face, and then he tried to imagine what it would be like to have someone else's cum in his mouth.

He stuck his tongue out, nervously, and he... tasted it.

Um.

Ick.

He made a face, wiping his hand on the sheets, and then he rolled over onto his belly, his pants still around his thighs, his cock still out.

He was still so fucking tired - he needed to go back to sleep, to calm the roiling, seething... everything that was sloshing around the inside of his head.

What did this... mean?

Did this mean he wasn't straight?

Did it... count as being straight, if you occasionally got off to the idea of a dude?

Was it, like... weird?

Maybe he was overthinking this.

It was totally normal to occasionally think of dudes in a sexy way, right? As a dude, obviously. Like, it didn't mean you weren't straight, since so much of life was about variety, trying new things....

Even as he was thinking it, he could tell he was clearly trying to justify himself.

He made an annoyed huff, and he groaned.

This was too fucking complicated.

Of course it was.

It involved Alex.

Nothing involving Alex was ever simple. 

Ryland made a frustrated noise, and he rolled over again.

Life sucked.

Why couldn’t it ever be simple?

* * *

Ryland was woken up by the smell of burning.

It wasn't a mild sort of burning, either - it was the kind of burning commonly associated with some kind of industrial fire.

When Ryland had been a kid, he'd heard about that thing with the strawberry poptarts, and he'd jury rigged a toaster so that it wouldn't pop up.

And then he'd forgotten to do it outside, and the thing had set the cabinets over the counter on fire, but that was neither here nor there, because the point - _the point_ \- was that by now, Ryland knew the scent of stuff burning.

He had the foresight to pull his sheet off of his bed and wrap it around his middle as he tripped his way into the living room. 

"What the fuck is going on?!"

And there was Alex, trying to put out a fire in a pan.

Ryland made an annoyed noise, grabbing the handle of the pan and shoving it into the sink, then turning the water on.

The fire went out, and everything smelled like... well, it didn't smell nice, but things weren't on fire anymore.

"Sorry," said Alex, and he was looking at Ryland, his expression sheepish. "I, uh... I thought I'd make you some eggs."

"But instead you burned them," said Ryland.

_You fucked this up, like you fuck everything else up,_ tried to spring out of Ryland's mouth, but no, that wasn't fair.

Why was he so damn hostile towards Alex all the time?

... well, part of it was obviously because Alex was such a goddamn pain in the ass, but there were plenty of pains in Ryland's ass, which didn't get on his nerves the same way.

Fuck, was he like some kind of grade school kid, yanking on pigtails and tripping someone up just for the sake of hiding that he had a crush on them?

He didn't have a crush on Alex, did he?

"Sorry," said Alex.

"It's fine," said Ryland. "Can you just... clean it up?"

"Yeah, of course," said Alex. 

"I'm gonna go back to bed for a bit," said Ryland. "And, uh... thanks."

"You're welcome," said Alex, and he smiled at Ryland, a wide, open smile.

God, Alex really was having some kind of feeling, wasn't he?

What if Alex was in love with him?

That... might explain more than it didn't, actually.

Although Ryland didn't want to think too deeply into that right now. 

He just wanted to go back to sleep. 

"I'll make you something," said Alex, as Ryland made his way towards his bedroom. "To make up for last night."

Ryland, still wrapped in a sheet, blinked over at Alex. 

"What?"

"Because of last night. I want to, uh... do something nice."

"It's fine," Ryland said. 

Maybe that was why Alex got on Ryland's nerves so much - he was just so... pushy. 

He wanted to apologize, he wanted to make it better, he wanted to do more, show more.

It was usually too much for Ryland, which set Ryland's teeth on edge.

... yeah, that would really explain it, come to think of it. 

Goddamnit. 

He sighed, and he made his way back to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him with minimal slamming, then dropping his sheet and getting on the bed, naked.

He must have kicked his pajamas off at some point in the middle of the night, and now he was completely naked, flat on his own stomach in the wonderfully cool sheets.

He let his eyes drift closed, and waited for sleep to take him over.

* * * 

Ryland stayed in bed longer than he needed to .

That was, admittedly, a thing that he'd been doing a lot of lately.

He was probably depressed, when you got right down to it.

Like... he was reasonably sure he was _very_ depressed, as you reckoned these things, assuming "you" also had some kind of training in mental health. 

But what was he going to do about it?

It wasn't like he could really afford treatment, and that shit never did much anyway, as far as he was concerned.

Some quiet part of his mind told him that he was just making excuses, but what the fuck did he know?

It was another endless, tail chasing discussion, circling his skull like a pair of sharks in a goldfish bowl.

In the meantime... he might as well get up, have a shower, get dressed.

It was a little after noon, and he was tired - tired in his bones, tired in his everything - but he could only sleep so much.

He wasn't like Alex, relying on booze and weed to get him up and down.

Although sometimes he was tempted to try it. 

Not tempted enough to give in to the satisfaction of doing it, but tempted enough to at least _think_ about it. 

He probably needed to call Ash, or at least send her a text message.

He could find some way of wording this shit to get her to stop being mad at him, right?

He wasn't sure... well, what it would be that he'd say, it would at least get him back into her good graces, right?

He could always hope. 

* * * 

Alex was smoking weed on the couch in just his underwear, looking lazily comfortable, like an overgrown cat.

Ryland followed the line of Alex's face - the elegant dip of his nose, to the smaller bump of his chin, then the long line of his throat, down along Alex's chest.

He was a pretty good looking guy, all things considered.

Ryland didn't really... know how to assess if a guy was attractive - what did you look for?

Did you admire someone's muscles, or the way their bones sat in their skin?

Women were easy - they were soft, they had places that you wanted to put your face, your hands, your dick.

You looked at a woman, and you remembered other times you had been intimate with a woman, and from there you just... well, went.

Ryland couldn't really remember what it had been like, when he had been younger and hadn't yet had the experience of touching a woman.

Maybe he was over simplifying it. 

He turned on the shower and stood under the water, letting it drum down on his head, and he sighed, turning his face up into it. 

Maybe Alex was in love with him.

Why would Alex be in love with him?

Ryland was well aware of how much of a scumbag he was - it was one of the reasons that he hated himself so much. 

But there was no accounting for taste, and Alex didn't seem to have good taste.

Ryland washed his hair, washed the rest of him, and then he was rinsing off, just standing under the water.

He and Alex didn't have to talk about any of this.

They didn't have to approach... well, any of it.

They could just keep on like they had.

Maybe he'd try to lay off of Alex a bit, although would that send the wrong message?

Maybe he needed to be meaner, to make it clear that he didn't want Alex to be in love with him.

Assuming Alex was in love with him in the first place.

... god dammit, he was just overthinking this.

Ryland rested his forehead against the cool tile, and he groaned, a long, heartfelt sound.

How was he such a fuck up?

For all that he ragged on Alex, at least Alex seemed to be following his own bliss, while Ryland was standing here, beating himself up over the contents of his own head.

... he'd talk to Alex.

He'd talk to Alex about it, _seriously_ , and they'd... do it.

Connect.

Act like normal human beings, or at least as close to normal human beings as they could act.

And Ryland would text an apology to Ash, and maybe he'd tell Ash about the whole Alex thing, fi they ever got to a point that they were that kind of intimate.

Hopefully they would.

Ryland turned the water off, toweled off, and then made his way out of the bathroom.

Okay.

He could do this.

* * *

Alex had made Ryland a sandwich.

It was a pretty good sandwich - bologna and cheese, with mustard and pickles. 

He'd added salsa for some reason, which was... weird, but not bad. 

It was especially nice, considering how Alex's delicate stomach kept him from eating things like bologna. 

"So," said Ryland, as he chewed, "can we, like... talk about stuff."

"Sure," said Alex, and he looked at his own hands.

They were shaking, just a bit. 

He had his hands wrapped around each other, and his knuckles were white. 

Ryland cautiously reached out, and he gave Alex's hand a little squeeze.

"I'm not, like, mad or anything," Ryland said slowly. "If that's, uh... what you're worried about."

"Right," said Alex.

"And I don't think you're gross or a pervert or anything like that either," Ryland added quickly.

"I mean," Alex said, and he laughed, self conscious, "I honestly wasn't worried about that until you said something."

"Oh," said Ryland.

Here he was, sticking his foot in it again.

"But still," said Alex. "I get it. I totally get it."

"Right," said Ryland. "But... okay. Can I, like... ask questions?"

"You can always ask me anything," Alex said, and the sincerity in his voice was enough to shatter diamonds.

Holy fuck, that was a level of... something, something that Ryland wasn't really sure he was ready for.

Some part of his brain was screaming at him to run, to get away.

... maybe Ash had been right, and he _did_ have some intimacy issues.

But that was neither here nor there.

Okay.

"How long have you, uh, known?"

"Known that I'm not straight?"

Alex leaned back into his seat, and he cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Yeah," said Ryland. 

He took another bite of his sandwich.

"I've, uh... it's been a part of me for a long time," said Alex, and he was blushing. "Obviously. Or maybe not obviously, I dunno. But it's a part of who I am, and has been for a while. I've just been kinda... y'know, cagey about it."

"Why?"

"Dude," said Alex, and he gave Ryland a Look. "Have you seen me?"

"I mean, yeah," said Ryland, faintly bewildered. "But what's that' got to do with anything?"

"I'm a scrawny nerd who used to dress up in spandex to sing eighties hits," said Alex, and his voice was dry enough to bleach bone. "I know what people assume about me."

Ryland shrugged.

"I never thought that," he said. "I always thought you were straight."

Alex looked... annoyed.

Huh. 

That was unexpected.

"That's not the point," said Alex. "The point is... like, I know that people assumed I was queer, and I didn't want to be thought of as queer, until I had this whole long and complicated conversation with this guy at a bar -"

_Of course it was at a bar,_ thought Ryland, although he kept his features schooled in careful neutrality. 

"And then he pointed out that, like, I get mad when people make assumptions about what me looking Jewish means, and how I'm all proud of how Jewy I look, and why would I get upset if someone thought they were Jewish, and then... it kinda got lost in a whole bunch of tequila."

"Right."

"But the point he made stuck. There's nothing actually... wrong with someone thinking I'm gay. I mean, I'm not gay - I like girls - but at the same time, there's nothing wrong with _being_ gay, and me being so afraid of it was kinda... dumb."

"Right," Ryland said again, aware he was repeating himself, not sure how to stop. 

"So then I figured, well, I'm not gay, but I'm not straight either, but that's okay, and if I'm gonna be not straight, I might as well, like... enjoy it. Y'know?" 

"Right," said Ryland. "Was that dude your, uh... your first dude?"

"No," said Alex, and he was blushing. "I've never done, like... romance stuff, per se, but I've... y'know, messed around."

"What kinda messed around?"

Why was Ryland asking all of these questions?

Did he... care?

He was being nosy, which was usually a bad idea, but he didn't seem to be able to stop.

Um.

"Well," Alex said, and he cleared his throat, "I've, y'know, given a few blow jobs, stuff like that."

"Have you ever been fucked?"

"I mean," Alex laughed, and he looked nervous, "we've all been fucked by life, as you'd say it."

"Hey man," said Ryland, "this relationship can only hold one cynic at a time."

Alex's whole face did... something, when Ryland said the "r" word.

Um. 

"Right," said Alex, and he cleared his throat.

"Sorry," said Ryland. "I shouldn't have just, like... asked that."

"No, no, it's fine," said Alex. "It's, uh, it's nice for you to take an interest." 

... was that a barb?

Alex didn't usually have it in him to use barbs, but... well, Ryland hadn't expected him to have it in him to suck cock either, so go figure. 

"Right," said Ryland.

"I've, uh... I've been fucked a few times," said Alex, and he was blushing, leaning back in his seat, rubbing his long hands together. 

He was jiggling his leg as well, and he was avoiding eye contact.

"Was it, uh... was it good?"

"Not the first time, really," said Alex, "but the second time it was pretty good."

"How did you, uh... how did you get down that road?"

"I figured, if I was going to be sucking cock and wanted to fuck a guy up the butt, I'd like to be able to take it as well." 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Might as well... take as good as I give," said Alex. 

He looked embarrassed.

"What was it like, the first time?"

"Well, I was drunk off my ass," said Alex, and he laughed. "Literally. And we didn't, uh, we didn't have much lube, but I kept insisting, and, well...."

"What's it feel like, going in?"

"Uh, it's... it's big," said Alex. "Sorry, I know that sounds dumb. But it feels, like... full. In a nice way."

"Right," said Ryland.

He was a bit too into this. 

Um.

He wasn't exactly getting hard, but some part of his brain was... perking up, in a way he wasn't sure he liked. 

"But... are we okay?"

Alex was shooting Ryland a worried look.

"Of course we're okay," said Ryland. "Why wouldn't we be okay?"

"I dunno," said Alex. "I was worried that you'd be freaked out that I hid something from you, or that... you know, I'm not going to start peeking at you in the shower or anything."

"Well, obviously not," said Ryland. "You've been... not straight for as long as I've known as you -" 

"I mean, I've only been acting on it for a few months," Alex said. 

"But still," Ryland said. "It's not like anything has changed."

"Right," said Alex, and he smiled again, another one of those smiles that would have lit up the room, if they weren't quite so... desperate.

"Thanks for the food," Ryland said.

"Any time," Alex said. "Would you wanna maybe... go out tonight or something?"

"I'm gonna talk to Ash," said Ryland. "See if she's still mad at me."

"Right," said Alex. "I'm gonna... do my own thing."

Which was probably code for "get really stoned and stare at the ceiling," since that seemed to be what he did on his own.

Or maybe Ryland was being unfair. 

Mainly he just wanted his couch back. 

* * *

There was a text from Ash, when Ryland got back to his room.

She was apologizing for snapping at him - there was some stuff going on in her life, complicated stuff that she found exhausting, and fair enough, he could help her with that. 

He _could_!

He settled himself comfortably back onto his bed, and he began to text her, making all the right sympathetic noises. 

Well, sympathetic text noises, but still.

The idea was the same. 

* * *

Ryland came out of his room a few hours later, feeling somewhat better. 

He'd mended stuff with Ash, although she was apparently wanting some "space," which was... fair enough.

Well, no, not "fair enough," he wanted to spend more time with her, but it wasn't like he could force her to do that.

Alex had put away the bed, and the room smelled minimally of weed, which was _also_ good. 

He sat on the couch next to Alex, and Alex looked up from his show, and he grinned.

"Hey," Alex said, his tone lazy.

"Hey," said Ryland. 

"So did you fix stuff with Ash?"

"She wants some space," said Ryland. "So, uh, obviously, I'll give it to her."

"Obviously," Alex agreed. 

"Still," said Ryland, and he sighed. 

"Hm?"

"Is it, like, easier to date guys?"

"I've never really dated a guy," said Alex, and he was rubbing his hands together, looking sheepish. "I mean, I've obviously done stuff with guys, but we've never... like, done dating stuff."

"What would you count as, like, dating stuff?"

"I dunno," said Alex, and he was looking anxious again. "Maybe, like, going to dinner together, going to movies, stuff like that."

"I mean, by that litmus, we've done a bunch of date stuff," Ryland said, and he had intended for his voice to be joking, but Alex's expression went downright _stricken_.

"I haven't seen it as us doing dating stuff," Alex said quickly. "Because dating stuff is... what makes it dating stuff is specifically that it's dating stuff, not the actual... stuff that you do."

"Right," said Ryland. 

"Why? Did you think that I was trying to go on stealth dates with you or something?"

"Nah," said Ryland. "You'd never do that kinda thing. You're a good person."

"You really think so?"

Alex looked faintly shocked.

"Of course I do," said Ryland. "Would I want to spend any time with you otherwise?"

_It's not like anyone else will put up with me,_ was on the very tip of Ryland's tongue, but that... was probably insulting, come to think of it, so he kept his mouth shut. 

Ash had kind of had a point, about arguing with people when they complimented him. 

It was hard, though. 

"You wanna do something tonight?"

It was an impulsive thing to say, but Ryland wasn't exactly known for his impulse control.

"What kinda something?"

"Maybe we could go out to dinner. There's that fancy pizza place?"

"Sure," said Alex. "Yeah, I'd totally be down for that."

Ryland smiled at Alex, a little shyly. 

"I might even wear a nice shirt," he told Alex.

And Alex... blushed.

A luminescent blush - it went all along Alex's face, from his forehead to his ears to his chin, and Ryland hadn't known that someone could blush on their _chin_ , so go figure. 

"Thanks," Alex stuttered.

A few wheels were starting to turn in Ryland's head, although he wasn't sure he liked what they were doing.

But... well, it couldn't hurt, right?

A little bit of harmless flirting,or something like that. 

"I, uh, I saw the original Wicker Man, the other night," Ryland said, to clear the air a little bit.

"Did you?"

"Yeah," said Ryland. "It was pretty weird."

"Did they have the bit with the bees?"

"No, that's not the original Wicker Man, that's the new one," said Ryland.

"Do you like the newer one better, or the older one?"

"I think I prefer the older one, honestly," said Ryland. "Would you wanna watch it with me?"

"Sure," said Alex. "I'm not used to you being quite so, uh... adventurous about stuff."

"Am I being adventurous?"

"You are, kinda," said Alex. "Or at least, more willing to try stuff."

"Right," said Ryland. "I was, uh, I was talking to Ash, and she mentioned that I don't do much, and she was kind of right."

"You think?"

"Yeah," said Ryland. "So, uh, fuck it. Let's go to the movies."

"Wait, go to the movies?"

"Yeah. There's a theater nearby that's doing a thing." 

"A thing?"

"Showing older movies."

"So we're going to dinner and a movie?"

Alex was looking practically _giddy_ as he said it. 

"Yeah," said Ryland. "Sound good?"

"Sounds great," said Alex.

"Just, uh... can you maybe shower first, please?"

"Hm?"

"You smell like weed and gym socks," said Ryland.

Alex lifted his own arm up, sniffing under it, and he wrinkled his nose.

"Oh," he said. "Yeah, okay, you've got a point there."

"It's fixable," Ryland added quickly.

Why was he working so hard to cheer up Alex?

Usually he kinda... left Alex to his own devices.

Maybe he was thinking about this too hard.

But fuck it. 

He wanted... he didn't know what he wanted.

He kind of wanted Alex to keep looking at him like that - there was something nice about being looked at like that.

He wished that Ash would look at him like that, truth be told. 

But Alex was better than nobody, right?

He sighed, and he leaned into the couch, glancing sidelong at Alex.

Alex looked back at him, still beaming. 

"So when do you wanna go?"

"I should probably check the movie times," Ryland said, "so we can plan stuff."

"Right," said Alex. "That makes sense."

"Right." 

* * * 

Ryland neatened up his beard, and he wore a button down shirt.

It was a nice shirt, too - it was a darker red, which he'd always been told he looked good in. 

Alex was also wearing a button down - they looked a bit like they were going to a job interview of some kind, albeit at a place where you could wear jeans to a job interview. 

"So," said Alex, and his hair was wet from when he'd washed it, tied back.

Alex looked something close to presentable.

... which wasn't a very nice thought, and Ryland tried to squash it down. 

He was going to be nice. 

He was going to be okay with all of this.

It was fine.

It was all fine. 

* * *

They went to the movie together first. 

It was a small theater, and Alex's legs barely fit into the small space, which was kind of funny - the two of them were more or less the same size, although Alex seemed to be composed of more leg than Ryland.

"I've seen the remake," said Alex. "What's this one like?"

Their legs were touching - they were sitting close enough together to be knee to knee.

It was, um... it was weird.

It was weird, in a way that was a bit hard for Ryland to put his finger on, because... this was all very odd. 

He'd never had this kind of weird tension with another guy before. 

He kept catching Alex looking at him, half helpful, half nervous. 

"How... how do you know if you like a guy?"

"Hmm?"

"Like... you know, if you like guys, how do you _know_?"

"Well, generally, if you want to do something sexy with someone, you know if you want to do it or not, right?"

"I guess so, yeah," said Ryland. "Does wanting to do sexy things with a guy feel different from doing them with a girl?"

"I mean," Alex said, and he looked slightly... uncomfortable.

Was Ryland being too pushy?

Shit.

"Sorry," said Ryland.

The theater was mostly empty, and the both of them were knee to knee. 

Alex had very bony knees, even through his jeans. 

"Nah, it's fine," said Alex. "I'm glad I can, uh, help you. Assuming you need help. or if you don't, uh... well, I'm glad you're taking an interest."

Alex cleared his throat. 

"So, uh... what's the difference?"

Alex shrugged.

"It's... it's neat. It's just noticing someone, and wanting to touch them. Wanting to feel their skin, wanting to kiss them. In a lot of ways it's like being attracted to a woman, but in a... different way, if that makes sense?"

"I think so," said Ryland, although he didn't entirely understand it. 

"Well, like, even if you're only into women, you're attracted to different sorts of women, right?"

"Right."

"And then, when you're interested in different sorts of women, your attraction to them still feels different, since they're all different sorts of people."

"Right."

"So... I guess it feels a bit similar. Except not, for obvious reasons."

"Obvious reasons?"

"Well, like... kissing someone who doesn't have tits is a lot different," said Alex. "And it's a lot different, but it's... nice. Let alone someone with a beard, or even someone who's just got stubble. It's pretty... it's nice."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I've never, uh... I've never really... thought about kissing guys," said Ryland. "Not that I think there's anything wrong with kissing a guy, obviously, just... I never applied it to me."

"You don't have to think about it applying to you," Alex said quickly. 

"I dunno," Ryland said, and he cleared his throat. "I mean... I don't, like, know a lot of people who aren't straight. I don't mind people not being straight. I'm just, uh... I haven't thought about it much."

He laughed, self conscious, and Alex put a cautious hand on his knee.

He covered it, and squeezed it, and then the movie theater was getting dim, and the curtains in front of the screen were opening. 

He kept his hand on Alex's, and Alex's pulse beat against his fingers. 

It was... it was music. 

Now that Ryland actually knew what he was looking for... well, he saw it. 

Oh, but did he see it. 

He saw a lot of it, and it was eerie, and some of the foreshadowing was downright clunky, but it was very much there.

Ryland was almost painfully aware of Alex's body heat, so close to him, and he was aware of Alex's breath.

... what if he wrapped an arm around Alex's shoulders?

Would that look too weird?

Probably, but... well, could he live with looking weird?

His heart was beating very fast in his head, and he wasn't paying much attention to the movie.

Apart from when there were naked women on screen, because... well, who doesn't enjoy seeing naked women?

Let alone naked women dancing, even if it was a weird wall slapping dance.

Alex was shifting in his seat as well, practically rubbing his thighs together.

... shit, Alex probably had a boner.

And Ryland was thinking about Alex's boner.

Like, actually thinking about it.

What would Alex's cock look like?

Probably circumcised, since Alex was Jewish. 

And... well, Alex was known to sleep in just his underwear, so sometimes it was just kinda... there, but still.

Ryland licked his lips, glanced sidelong at Alex.

Alex's eyes were wide, as he stared at the screen - there were more naked women on it now, and they were jumping over a fire, singing.

Ryland could just make out the shape of Alex's ear, and he wanted to tuck a piece of hair behind it.

... was he, like, attracted to Alex?

Attracted to Alex's attraction to him?

Did Alex have an attraction to him?

Maybe he was thinking too deeply into this kind of thing.

... he probably was.

He sighed, and he kept his hand in Alex's, trying not to sweat too much, trying not to vibrate out of his seat with anxiety.

Maybe if he just thought of it was like... an experiment, that might make it easier. 

Was it really fair to think of Alex as an experiment?

Goddamnit.

He was being torn between his conscience and his own curiosity.

Well... he could keep his distance.

His metaphorical distance.

He just kept his eyes on the screen for now, as the protagonist walked through the grand old house.

* * *

They finished the movie, and they were still holding hands when the lights came back on - Alex's eyes flicked down to it, and Ryland almost withdrew his hand, then paused, squeezing Alex's hand, just a bit.

Alex flushed, and he let go.

"So," Alex said, and his voice cracked. 

He cleared his throat, and he tried again.

"So," Alex said, with a bit more dignity this time, "ready to get some pizza?"

"Sounds like a plan," said Ryland, and he stood up, stretching. "What'd you think of the movie?"

"Who knew that fucking... folk music could be so unsettling?"

"I mean," said Ryland, "personally, I found the guy being burnt alive to be more unsettling."

Alex gave a full bodied shudder, and Ryland grinned in spite of himself - Alex was cute, when he did the over emoting... ting.

"That was totally unsettling," said Alex, "but, like... the fact that he was being burnt alive _while they sang some old folk song_ made it even creepier."

"Yeah, I guess I could agree with you," said Ryland. "At least it wasn't some old nursery rhyme or something?"

"That wouldn't have been scary," said Alex, as the two of them ambled out of the small movie theater. "I'd be more likely to call it hackneyed."

"I didn't know you knew that word," said Ryland.

"I'm not as dumb as I look," Alex said, his tone deadpan.

_That would take effort,_ thought Ryland, although he didn't say as such. 

"Sorry," was all he said.

"Thanks," said Alex, and he looked slightly surprised. "Thanks."

"Of course," said Ryland. "So, are you ready for some fancy pizza?"

"What kind fancy pizza?"

"The super fancy kind," said Ryland. 

"Like on that one Youtube show, with the ridiculous food?"

"Well, okay, we're not gonna eat pizza with, like, gold on it or whatever," said Ryland. 

They were standing shoulder to shoulder now, and he was tempted to reach out, grab Alex's hand, if only to see how Alex would react.

... now he was blushing.

Um.

He cleared his throat, and Alex glanced at him sidelong, one eyebrow up.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," said Ryland. "Sorry."

"It's fine," said Alex. "Let's go eat some moderately fancy pizza."

"Would you ever eat pizza with gold on it?" 

"I dunno," said Alex. "I mean... like, what's the _point_ of gold on food?"

"It makes you shit gold," said Ryland, as they got into the car. 

"Why would anyone want to shit gold?"

"To fuck with archaeologists?" 

"I wanted to be an archaeologist," said Alex, unexpectedly.

"What, really?"

"Yeah," said Alex. "I used to be really into dinosaurs."

"Huh," said Ryland. 

"You look surprised."

"You didn't strike me as a dinosaur guy," said Ryland, as he turned on the car. 

"I was obsessed with them, when I was a kid," said Alex, and he smiled, his expression a little wistful.

"What'd you like about them?"

Alex was looking at Ryland sidelong, his expression hard to read.

Ryland hadn't realized that Alex had it in him to wear an expression that was hard to read - the guy was usually an open book. 

"You're not usually so interested in me," he told Ryland.

"I've realized I've, uh, I've been kind of a shitty friend," said Ryland, which _was_ true!

"You've been letting me crash on your couch," Alex protested, and then he was resting his hand on Ryland's thigh.

It was a very gentle touch - it was barely there, but Ryland looked down at it.

Alex made to pull back, but Ryland covered Alex's hand, and he squeezed it. 

"I've been a shitty friend," Ryland insisted. 

"Well... thank you," said Alex.

He was blushing very hard.

Um.

Shit.

Ryland let go of Alex's hand, putting his hand back on the wheel. 

He was feeling... something. 

He didn't know what it was, but it was nice to feel _something_ , even if it was just the excitement of a new possibility.

Even if it was just the excitement of possibly being able to have sex for the first time in who knew how long. 

... or was he jumping ahead of himself?

It wasn't like he had to make this a permanent thing, or anything like that.

Not like he would be... like, gay, or anything like that.

Maybe bisexual? 

Possibly?

Maybe he was overthinking this.

Alex was cute, for a guy, and Alex was... Alex loved Ryland, and that much was _immediately_ obvious, and maybe Ryland could just... bask in it a little bit.

To enjoy the chance to be loved by someone else, even if it was this complicated sort of thing where it wasn't entirely... reciprocated. 

But he cared about Alex, and that was the important thing.

Alex knew that he had feelings for Ash. 

Had to know that. 

But here he was, with Alex, and Alex wasn't exactly Ash, but Alex was someone. 

"You okay, Ry?"

"Yeah, sorry," said Ryland. "Spaced out."

"You sure it's safe for you to be driving, if you're spacing out?"

"I'm probably hungry, that's all," said Ryland. "I'll be safer to be around when I've had some food in me."

"I dunno if you'll ever be safe to be around," said Alex, and there was something almost dreamy about the way he said it. 

Ryland paused. 

Huh.

"We're here," he said, and he cleared his throat. "Let's go eat some pizza."

"I'm always pro eating pizza, man," said Alex, and the dreaminess was replaced with a more familiar expression. 

At least Ryland could still read Alex's face, more or less. 

This was all starting to feel... taut, like he was on the very precipice of some great, yawning gulf. 

He just had to be careful. 

* * * 

They ate pizza.

They ate pizza with artichokes and clams, and Ryland tried to stay engaged, and Alex was actually funny - possibly because he was sober, and _stayed_ sober, which was a miracle in and of itself.

... that was mean of Ryland. 

He really needed to stop sniping so much.

Alex was eating the last of the pizza bones, and they crunched between his back teeth. 

Ryland was drinking a soda, and he was getting jittery.

He couldn't stop staring at Alex's mouth.

He wanted to... he wanted to kiss Alex. 

He wanted to feel Alex's mouth against his.

... he wanted to kiss anyone, truth be told.

He and Ash were moving slow, it was true, but he was just so... he wanted to hold another person against him, he wanted to feel someone else's breath against his face.

And Alex kept shooting him... looks, and he would blush, and he wanted to... god, what was he even thinking?

"Do you think you could ever have sex with a friend and not make it weird?"

Ryland hadn't really... meant to say that, but it had slipped out, and now here it was.

Alex coughed, slapped himself in the chest, then took a slug of water.

"Um," said Alex.

Ryland was already kicking himself.

"Well," said Alex, "I guess it depends on the friend. Like, I can't see myself sleeping with Sam."

"Well, yeah, but that's also because Sam is such a badass that she'd probably break you in half," said Ryland, and now he was starting to laugh.

Alex snorted.

"Well, yeah, but you know what I mean."

"Right."

"So... I guess, uh, I guess I could," said Alex. 

He looked nervous.

"Could you, like, make out with a friend?"

"I guess, yeah, I'd be willing to at least try it."

"Right," said Ryland, and he cleared his throat. "You want to, uh... you want to maybe watch another movie, when we get back?"

"Yeah, sure," said Alex. "It wasn't like I was really planning anything other than getting high anyway."

"You could _not_ get high and watch a movie with me," Ryland agreed.

"Sounds like a plan," said Alex. 

This all felt so goddamn... juvenile. 

Could Ryland just say something like "hey, wanna make out, but not in a way that says I'm actually going to get together with you forever" or something like? 

... no, Alex was too much of a romantic. 

It would never work if he tried it like that.

Ryland bit back a sigh, and he smiled at Alex. 

If nothing else, he could get some nice making out with this, right?

Maybe even get off from something that wasn't himself, as well.

That would be nice.

"I'll get the check," said Alex, indicating for the water to come over.

"Right," said Ryland.

Where was Alex getting the money from?

Alex wasn't going to worry about it. 

He wasn't going to worry about anything, he was just going to... do his own thing.

He would just try to think of this like any other date that he'd been on, over the course of his life. 

He could do that, right?

Right. 

* * *

They ended up sitting on the couch, with Starship Troopers playing.

Alex had suggested the newer Wicker Man, but... no.

If Ryland was going to try to seduce someone, he didn't want to do it with Nicholas Cage in the background.

Although then again, Starship Troopers wasn't much better.

But they were sitting together on the couch, they were close enough that their arms were almost touching, and it was enough to make Ryland blush. 

Fuck it. 

He turned over towards Alex, and then he was leaning in, and he was... kissing Alex, gently, right on the jaw.

Alex froze - full on froze, like a statue, and Ryland had never seen someone _actually_ do that before. 

Huh. 

But he leaned in, doing it again, and then he was reaching his hand up, cupping Alex's face, and Alex was turning towards him.

And then Ryland was kissing a guy on the mouth.

Ryland was kissing _Alex_ on the mouth, and that was... okay, that was kind of weird, but it was still kissing, and Ryland knew how to kiss, more or less.

He pressed closer, until they were chest to chest, and they were breathing each other's breath, and Alex's tongue was in Ryland's mouth, and then Ryland's tongue was in Alex's mouth, and he was tangling his fingers in Alex's hair, pulling Alex's head back, so that it was lower, and they were holding on to each other, clinging like it was the end of the world.

Alex broke the kiss.

"Dude," he said, and his voice was thick.

"Yeah?"

Ryland was still holding on to Alex's face, and Alex's hands were on Ryland's hips, bunching up in the fabric of Ryland's shirt.

"Not that I'm not, uh, grateful, and I'm gonna treasure this memory for the rest of my life, but why are you kissing me?"

"Because I want to," Ryland said, and then he was leaning in and kissing Alex again, kissing Alex harder this time, putting on all the stops, down to nipping at Alex's lower lip, sucking on Alex's tongue.

The rasp of Alex's stubble against his face was... well, uncomfortable, frankly, but it was nice to have a warm body, it was nice to be holding someone else.

Ryland was chasing himself in circles, and he was shaking, just a bit, as he kissed Alex, but not nearly as hard as Alex was shaking.

Alex was shaking like he was freezing cold, clutching at Ryland's shirt like it was a lifeline.

Alex kissed Ryland back, and it was the kind of desperate, frenzied kissing that Ryland recognized from a certain point of life.

Alex was in love with him.

He kissed Ryland like he was in love with him, and now Alex had more or less perfect proof.

Um.

What was he going to do with this information?

Save it for another day.

He just kissed Alex for now, let Alex scramble into his lap, let Alex hold on to him.

"I knew it," Alex was mumbling, and Ryland made an inquiring noise, nuzzling along Alex's neck, kissing it gently, then nipping him on the shoulder, just to watch the muscles twitch.

"I knew you... I knew you loved me," Alex said, and okay, that was... that was a lot, but at the same time, Ryland didn't want to stop.

They could have the big feelings talk later.

Right now, he was just going to kiss along Alex's neck, as Alex clung to him, shaking and babbling.

Ryland tuned it out.

He'd gotten pretty good at tuning Alex out, truth be told. 

So he kissed, and he let Alex's fingers tangle in his hair, and he savored the chance to be close to another human being.

* * *

Ryland lost track of things at one point - he wasn't sure when, but at some point, he'd ended up on his back on the couch, Alex on top of him, and he was holding on to Alex's ass, grinding their hips together.

He could feel Alex's cock, and okay, that was... that was kind of weird, and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not, but Alex's ass under his hands was nice, and Alex's hips rolling the way they were was nice, and Alex arching against him was nice.

Alex's mouth was making its way down Ryland's chest - when had Ryland's shirt gotten unbuttoned? - and now Alex was kissing along Ryland's belly.

"I want to suck your cock," Alex told Ryland.

"Y-yeah?"

Ryland's cock was twitching. 

"So badly," said Alex. "Fuck, please, I've wanted to... I've wanted to, for so long."

"Do it," Ryland said. "Fucking... do it, please, suck my cock, I want it, do it!"

It was true!

He was... he was curious about the idea of being sucked off by a man, he was curious about the idea of being sucked off by a friend, and this was... this was weird, but his heart was beating in his chest, and he was hard. 

He was hard enough that he was shaking, and he moaned, when Alex undid his jeans, and then Alex's face was right in his crotch, and the head of Ryland's cock was right up against his cheek. 

"God," Alex said, "it's better than I imagined it."

That... that hadn't been a thing that Ryland had thought about it. 

Um.

Shit.

He rested a hand on top of Alex's head, for lack of anything else to do, and he rolled his hips forward, as his cock slid into Alex's hot, wet mouth. 

"God," Ryland groaned, and his heels were digging into the couch, into the floor. 

It had been too fucking long.

And okay, so… maybe this wasn’t exactly what Alex was hoping for, but… it was something, right?

Ryland moaned, and he closed his eyes.

If he kept himself in the dark like this… well, he could imagine it was someone else, maybe, or he could enjoy it… he could just stay in the moment.

And in the moment, there was a hot, wet mouth around his cock. 

He let himself enjoy it, sinking into the couch. 

He’d have a serious talk with Alex about it. 

Later.

**Author's Note:**

> Like this fic?
> 
> Want me to write you something like it, or something completely different?
> 
> Come talk to me on my tumblr, theseusinthemaze.tumblr.com!


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